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Messages - AriseNshine

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1
All Funniest Jokes Here / Re: Funniest Kenyan Jokes
« on: August 06, 2014, 01:07:42 PM »
Does it pay to be Kenyan????
A man dies and goes to hell.
There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He decides he’ll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.
He goes to Germany Hell and asks, “What do they do here?”
He is told “first they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day”.
The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.
He checks out the USA Hell as well as the Russia Hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.
Then he comes to the Kenyan Hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, “What do they do here?”
He is told “first they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
The Kenyan devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.
” But that is exactly the same as all the other hells why are there so many people waiting to get in?” asks the man.
“Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work.  The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the Kenyan devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home  for private business.”
So, does it really pay to be a Kenyan?

2
Karibu sana Steven. We are glad you found your way here

3
 Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan has declared a state of emergency in three states after a series of deadly attacks by Islamist militant groups.

The military will take "all necessary action" to "put an end to the impunity of insurgents and terrorists" in Borno, Adamawa, and Yobe, he said.

Mr Jonathan also ordered more troops to be sent to the north-eastern states.

Militants from Boko Haram have been blamed for most of the violence, which has left 2,000 people dead since 2010.

The Islamist group, whose name means "Western education is forbidden" in the local Hausa language, is fighting to overthrow the government and create an Islamic state in the north.

Nigeria - a multi-ethnic nation of more than 160 million people - is also affected by a spate of conflicts over land, religion and oil.

Full story:http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/?articleID=2000083647&story_title=Kenya-nigeria-president-declares-emergency

4
Very lovely

5
I must say I am impressed by the strength of a woman in her. She has a supporting fiancee around her too(for those who don't believe in love). They are planning to wed too>>>See story

All the best. You guys are an inspiration

6
Police had a tough time dealing with the pigs(no pun intended)
Occupy Parliament protest MPs salary demands

7
Kenyan News and Politics / Re: PEV victim appeals for help
« on: May 13, 2013, 03:30:39 PM »
It's very sad how many Kenyans are still suffering years and years after PEV. What is the purpose of reconciliation if Victims like Joyce still suffer up to today. The government should take her treatment into their own hands and ensure she receives cosmetic surgery to help her plight.

8
Football / Sir Alex Ferguson farewell Speech in full
« on: May 12, 2013, 11:30:43 PM »
Sir Alex Ferguson's Leaving Speech in Full HD
 "I've got absolutely no script in my mind, I'm just going to ramble on and hope I get to the core of what this football club has meant to me.

"First of all, it's a thank you to Manchester United. Not just the directors, not just the medical staff, not just the coaching staff, the players or the supporters, it's all of you. You have been the most fantastic experience of my life.

"I have been very fortunate. I've been able to manage some of the greatest players in the country, let alone Manchester United. All these players here today have represented our club the proper way - they've won the championship in a fantastic fashion. Well done to the players.

"My retirement doesn't mean the end of my life with the club. I'll be able to now enjoy watching them rather than suffer with them.

"But, if you think about it, those last-minute goals, the comebacks, even the defeats, are all part of this great football club of ours. It's been an unbelievable experience for all of us, so thank you for that.

"I'd also like to remind you that when we had bad times here, the club stood by me, all my staff stood by me, the players stood by me. Your job now is to stand by our new manager. That is important.

"Before I start bubbling, I just want to pay tribute to Paul Scholes, who retires today. He's unbelievable; one of the greatest players this club has ever had and will ever have.

"Paul we wish you a good retirement and I know you'll be around annoying me! Also I'd like to wish Darren Fletcher a speedy comeback to our club.

"The players... I wish the players every success in the future. You know how good you are, you know the jersey you're wearing, you know what it means to everyone here and don't ever let yourself down. The expectation is always there.

"I'm going home, well, I'm going inside for a while, and I want to say thank you again from all the Ferguson family. They're all up there, 11 grandchildren - thank you."

9
Football / Rooney wants out, Ferguson reveals
« on: May 12, 2013, 11:15:45 PM »
Ferguson is retiring. That has made news all week. What people did not know was that Manchester United Striker Rooney wants to leave Old trafford at the end of this season.

Rooney was missing in the 2-1 win over Swansea City. Ferguson had this to say:

"I don't think Wayne was keen to play simply because he's asked for a transfer," he said. "I think he wants to think things through in his mind; I think that's a good idea.

"We're not going to let him go. I think he's maybe a bit frustrated that he's been taken off once or twice in the last few weeks."

The Scot however revealed to the BBC that they turned down his offer and gave him time to think about his decision. United are keen on offering him a new contract.

Come on Rooney, no more money for you, Benzema is coming!!!

10
Virgin boss Sir Richard Branson got dressed up as a female flight attendant after honouring a bet he lost to Air Asia chief executive Tony Fernandes.

Donning a uniform, he served passengers on an Air Asia charity flight from Perth to Kuala Lumpur.

Mr Branson and Mr Fernandes had a bet on whose teams would finish first in the 2010 Formula One Grand Prix in Abu Dhabi.

The plan was that the loser had to dress as a female flight attendant and serve passengers on board the winner's airline.

-BBC

12
Tana River, Kenya: A 20 year-old man is fighting for his life at the Coast Province General hospital with an arrow sticking out of his head following fresh attacks in Tana delta.

The attacks by known assailants on Nduru village on Friday night left Moroa Dhado, a form two student at Buyani secondary with 15 cm arrowhead deep into his skull.

The people who attacked the schoolboy are known to the victim by names and other details.

“We were sitting outside our camp when suddenly we heard cries of I have been shot,” Salim Gaoye a brother to the victim said.

“We know them they are some of our neighbours whom we used to play and to go to school with,” Gaoye said.

Full story: http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/?articleID=2000083411&story_title=student-hospitalised-with-arrow-stuck-in-his-head

13
Police have arraigned in court 11 women and a Swedish national for engaging in illicit sexual activities(read sleeping with dogs for cash). They were remanded for 3days in Nyali on Friday to give the officers time for further investigation.

The suspects  are Christopher Clement Weisssenrieder, Janet Akoth Omollo, Mercy Waithera Karanja, Mary Nyambura Kimani, Magdaline Wairimu Chege, Celestine Nekesa Sitati and  Dorcus Melishah Indakwa.

The others are Lydia Nyaboke Momanyi, Philidelia Mawia Solomon, Anne Wanjiku Gichuki and Celilia Nzambi Katuku.

They will appear in court on Wednesday.
It's a really rotten way of living!!! SMH

14
Football / Mourhino devastated by Ferguson exit
« on: May 11, 2013, 03:52:47 AM »

Real Madrid Coach Jose Mourhino has admitted that he was devatsted to hear that Sir Alex Ferguson was retiring at the end of the 2012/2013 season. He said that Sir Alex Ferguson personally called to inform him of the decision.

"When Sir Alex called me to give me the honour of knowing from him his decision, I was surprised and sad," he said in an interview with Sky Sports.

"It will be difficult for me, and I think all managers, to go to Old Trafford and play against Manchester United without this mythical figure waiting for us.

"At the same time, I was happy to feel his emotion, and pride for such an amazing career.”

United face Swansea City on Sunday in what will be Ferguson's last home game in charge of the club but Mourinho said he would be too emotional to watch the match.

Methinks this guy is just too sad/disappointed that he didn't get the top job at the theatre of Dreams.

15
New Members Introduce Yourselves Here / Re: Just In
« on: May 10, 2013, 04:35:36 PM »
Welcome to the forum mysteybabylon

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