Author Topic: Funniest Kenyan Jokes  (Read 20632 times)

Offline admin

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Funniest Kenyan Jokes
« on: March 18, 2012, 09:45:02 PM »
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  • Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

    "Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."

    The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings."

    With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct.

    "Then, go to Hell!"
    With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.

    The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!"

    With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.

    "Then, go to Hell!"
    With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.

    The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!"

    The Devil brought forward a chair.

    "Drill 7 holes on the seat", said the Idiot.

    The Devil did just that.

    The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"

    The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."

    "Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole."

    And the idiot went to Heaven.
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    Offline AriseNshine

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    Re: Funniest Kenyan Jokes
    « Reply #1 on: March 18, 2012, 09:48:47 PM »
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  • Wife: Oh, come on.
    Husband: Leave me alone!
    Wife: It won't take long.
    Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
    Wife: I can't sleep without it.

    Husband: Why do you think of things like this
    in the middle of the night?
    Wife: Because I'm Hot.
    Husband: You get hot at the darnedest times.
    Wife: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg
    you.
    Husband: If you love me you'd be more
    considerate.
    Wife: You don't love me anymore.
    Husband: Yes I do, but let's forget it for
    tonight.
    Wife: (Sob-Sob)

    Husband: Alright, I'll do it.
    Wife: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?
    Husband: I can't find it.
    Wife: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
    Husband: There! Are you satisfied?
    Wife: Oh, yes, honey.
    Husband: Is it up far enough?
    Wife: Oh, that's fine..

    Husband: Now go to bed and from now on
    when you want the window open, do it
    yourself!!

    Offline Amigos

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    Re: Funniest Kenyan Jokes
    « Reply #2 on: March 18, 2012, 09:51:03 PM »
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  • A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

    "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."

    A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
    "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

    Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened.

    The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

    "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

    The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

    Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.

    He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."
    Mary complies and hands her husband the fork.

    As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
    "Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."

    The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."

    Offline L. Luce

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    Re: Funniest Kenyan Jokes
    « Reply #3 on: June 21, 2013, 09:46:07 PM »
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  • Wife: Oh, come on.
    Husband: Leave me alone!
    Wife: It won't take long.
    Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
    Wife: I can't sleep without it.

    Husband: Why do you think of things like this
    in the middle of the night?
    Wife: Because I'm Hot.
    Husband: You get hot at the darnedest times.
    Wife: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg
    you.
    Husband: If you love me you'd be more
    considerate.
    Wife: You don't love me anymore.
    Husband: Yes I do, but let's forget it for
    tonight.
    Wife: (Sob-Sob)

    Husband: Alright, I'll do it.
    Wife: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?
    Husband: I can't find it.
    Wife: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
    Husband: There! Are you satisfied?
    Wife: Oh, yes, honey.
    Husband: Is it up far enough?
    Wife: Oh, that's fine..

    Husband: Now go to bed and from now on
    when you want the window open, do it
    yourself!!

    Ha ha ah  ;D it did stoped my breath for at least 10 sec... I loved this joke. If this is real ,imagine the laughter ;D ;D.. hehe

    Offline Jokajok

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    Re: Funniest Kenyan Jokes
    « Reply #4 on: July 22, 2014, 11:45:03 AM »
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  • SEX COMES 4TH TO ANY KIKUYU MAN
    1. MONEY.
    2. LAND.
    3. MURATINA.
    4.SEX!!!!!
    A naked lady ran into a Kikuyu man’s taxi. She told the driver where she was going. The Kikuyu man didn’t start the car but he was just staring at the girl over & over again.
     The lady saw him and said: "What’s your problem man? Haven’t u seen a naked lady before?"
    The Kikuyu man replied: "l am not looking at your nakedness, I was just wondering where you have kept the money you are going to pay me!!!"
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    Offline Jokajok

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    Re: Funniest Kenyan Jokes
    « Reply #5 on: July 31, 2014, 09:19:47 AM »
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  • LUYHA'S PHONE BOOK
    These are the names we extracted from a phone book of one Luyha:

    1.Chanet Pipi Mtoko
    2.Choch Taktari
    3.Mama Felma Masiwa
    4.Pitris Mama Mboka
    5.Chackson Fundi wa Retio
    6.Stifin wa Pucha
    7.Mama Prichit Chirani
    8.Tominic …
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    Offline AriseNshine

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    Re: Funniest Kenyan Jokes
    « Reply #6 on: August 06, 2014, 01:07:42 PM »
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  • Does it pay to be Kenyan????
    A man dies and goes to hell.
    There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
    He decides he’ll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.
    He goes to Germany Hell and asks, “What do they do here?”
    He is told “first they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
    Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
    Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day”.
    The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.
    He checks out the USA Hell as well as the Russia Hell and many more.
    He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.
    Then he comes to the Kenyan Hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, “What do they do here?”
    He is told “first they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
    Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
    The Kenyan devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.
    ” But that is exactly the same as all the other hells why are there so many people waiting to get in?” asks the man.
    “Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work.  The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the Kenyan devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home  for private business.”
    So, does it really pay to be a Kenyan?